“Oh shut up. Every time it rains, it stops raining. Every time you hurt, you heal. After darkness, there is always light and you get reminded of this every morning but still you choose to believe that the night will last forever. Nothing lasts forever. Not the good or the bad. So you might as well smile while you’re here.”—
Doesn’t it seem somewhat ludicrous that certain clothes are ‘honest’ and certain clothes are ‘dishonest’? The ickyness of the phrase ‘problem areas’ aside, this quote seems to be saying that there would have been more honesty if she had worn clothes that emphasized ‘problem areas’ and ignored ‘assets.’ But that doesn’t seem to make any sense– that sounds like honesty is making yourself look the way you don’t want to look.
Why is the bust something important enough to bring up dishonesty and deception? Because it’s seen as a bargaining chip in a sexual relationship, bigger boobs being more valuable. Fraud is only relevant if you are replacing something of higher value with something of lesser value. Deceit comes into play when the result is hurtful. The only reason push up bras can be dishonest is because boobs are viewed as commodities that increase a woman’s sexual value.
It is common for parents to assume that the compulsion to self harm is a cry for attention. However, in my experience most self harmers are deeply ashamed of this compulsion and live in dread of discovery. The compulsion to self harm is not limited to human beings…
So before I had my ego death/identity/existential crises in february 2011 I consistently rated as an esfj with low to medium openness to experience and high conscientiousness. Now I’m a enfp with high but lowered conscientiousness and off the charts openness to experience. Meanwhile I still rank in the 4th percentile of neuroticism and very high on agreeableness.
I wonder if other people experiencing radical spiritual transformations have noticed similar changes in their actual test results on personality quizzes after experiencing religious or spiritual awakening. I think what is interesting is that I started taking in so much more sensory information without judging it as much without numbing myself too extensively in awareness (conscientiousness).
I decided that instead of waiting for new year’s to make resolutions I’d do it on or near my birthday instead - despite my birthday only being about a month before new years. After all, that’s the time I most tend to reflect on the disparity between my achievements and my desires. I also just got into a work rehabilitation type program through Goodwill to address my chronic underemployment - and like the program we use at the domestic violence shelter I work at to help survivors rebuild their lives - it’s a very self directed, goal setting based program built on the SMART model.
As hands off as these programs tend to seem to people in the throes of financial and personal crises - they’re based on very real evidence. Research consistently suggests that goals and drive are most dictated by our internal motivations. That is to say; no one can truly motivate you to meet your goals, or set them, or take them seriously - but you. No one can set goals for you. No one can impassion you to meet them. Without the element of YOU your goals just won’t come to pass.
Sure, we can get accountabili-buddies, tell others about our goals, write them down to increase the social pressure to meet them - but in the end if you say you want to quit smoking - you have to work YOUR ass off to quit. And you have to take yourself seriously when you say that’s what you want. It begins with being honest with yourself. Do you realistically want to quit smoking? Can you do this? (Trick question; “I can’t,” is a cop out. So is “I don’t know how,”). What are relevant the steps you’re going to take to achieve that? When will you implement your plan? When specifically do you want to have quit by?
The fourteen year old juvenile delinquent I babysit - as per DFCS request that she be watched at all times - is furiously unaccountable. I literally can’t even trust her to walk home from the bus stop without incident. As harsh as we have been, and as loving as we have been, no one can change her behavior but her. I’ve outright confronted her about lies she’s told me and rather than come clean and earn enough trust that we don’t have to breathe down her neck constantly - she’s simply chosen to lie again. In the end, she’s the only person she’s truly cheating. If one more incident occurs - her sister is likely to forfeit her to the state. I myself have been lied to so many times, harassed, and witnessed enough petty crimes in the three weeks I’ve been there that I have no qualms about calling the Department of Juvenile Justice the next time another shoe drops.
In the past few days - her future brother in law and current father figure (a long time friend of mine) has given her three brilliant rules to live by.
1. Am I being honest with myself and others? (this one is chosen to address her pathological lying - but also a good rule for adults and youths of all types).
2. Will this hurt me or the people I love?
3. What can I learn from this?
Goals and directives like these seem laughably easy when written - but harder to implement. Token economies help you reward yourself for meeting your goals within goals.
To be a little trite - use baby steps. Plot out your plan step by step. For example; The first thing I have to do to get into grad school is research how. My previous excuse “I don’t know how” simply isn’t good enough. Let’s be realistic - excuses aren’t going to get me where I want to go. I plan to get a mentor who has done it already. Perhaps more than one. I plan to research the process and the schools I may want to apply to on the internet and narrow my options. Once I do this, I could even have a material reinforcer such as a cookie! Or on a longer timeline I could buy myself a nice pleasure read with the “tokens” I put aside whenever I do something to reach my goals.
I want to at least have applied to a grad school by next winter. I also want to have a car by February. For this I also need to take a break from Candy Crush and tumblr and DO RESEARCH.
The wise person, does really not look to change anything. They become quiet. They have patience. They work on themselves. They watch their thoughts, watch their actions and observe themselves getting angry, observe themselves getting depressed,observe themselves getting jealous and envious and the rest of it. Little by little they realize,”That’s not me. That’s hypnosis, that’s a lie.” They do not react to their condition. To the extent that they do not react to their condition, to that extent do they become free. They no longer care what anybody else is doing. They compare themselves with no one. They compete with no one. They simply watch themselves. They observe themselves. They see the mental confusion. They don’t run around shouting, “I am absolute reality. I am God. I am consciousness.” Rather, they see where they’re coming from and they leave everyone else alone.
Such a being unfolds at a fast rate. It makes no difference what predicament such a being is in. It doesn’t matter, for such a being is already free. When the mind rests in the heart, that means when the mind does not go out any longer and identify with the world, when the mind rests in the heart there is peace, there is harmony, there is pure being. When you allow your mind to go out of your Self it begins to compare, it begins to judge, it begins to feel offended, and there is no peace. There’s no rest.
“…Kids, you may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone’s face. There’s a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward. And that kids, was the perfect ending to a perfect love story. It just wasn’t mine. Mine was still out there, waiting for me…”—Ted Mosby, “How I Met Your Mother” (via introspectivepoet)
“You have to face your fear. And do the same with anger, do the same with jealousy, do the same with hatred. And a significant point to remember is: if you witness anything—fear, anger, hate—if you simply watch them as they arise, without any judgment or condemnation, they will disappear, leaving a tremendous amount of energy that you can use for creativity.”—Osho (via thingsthatsing)
“Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting. Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you to love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to. Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they’ve given us.”—Emery Allen (via wethinkwedream)
"You are free to to choose but you are not free from the consequence of your choice." Deeeeeeeeeep. Wooooow. It's common.. uncommon knowledge, but it's the way you put it. More to words than meets the eye.
I looked it up and it’s a quote from some guy named Ezra Craft Benson. It’s one of my favorite quotes about philosophy and life and free will. :) Glad it can bring some wisdom and order to your life.
Do you want to stop hurting yourself? Learn the facts about self-injury and what you can do to overcome it.
Cutting & Self-Harm
Self-Injury Help, Support, and Treatment
Self-harm can be a way of coping with problems. It may help you express feelings you can’t put into words, distract you from your life, or release emotional pain. Afterwards, you probably feel better—at least for a little while. But then the painful feelings return, and you feel the urge to hurt yourself again. If you want to stop but don’t know how, remember this: you deserve to feel better, and you can get there without hurting yourself.
This Thanksgiving, instead of killing a turkey consider a nice Tofurkey or one of those delicious Trader Joe’s Turkey Less Stuffed Roasts and consider adopting or sponsoring a Turkey from Farm Sanctuary. They have cute descriptions of their favorite foods and personalities on the website.
Farm Sanctuary works to protect farm animals from cruelty, inspire change in the way society views and treats farm animals, and promote compassionate vegan living. www.farmsanctuary.org
1. Take time to ponder the important questions like: “What really matters most of all in life; what do I want to have achieved in the end; how do I want to feel when I look back, and review the kind of life that I have lived?”
2. Make time for solitude and silence. Filling every minute makes it…
“There are many ways to calm a negative energy without suppressing or fighting it. You recognize it, you smile to it, and you invite something nicer to come up and replace it; you read some inspiring words, you listen to a piece of beautiful music, you go somewhere in nature, or you do some walking meditation.”—Thich Nhat Hanh (via cosmofilius)
1. Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. How does your body feel when you’re stressed? Are your muscles or stomach tight or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of your physical response to stress will help regulate tension when it occurs.
2. Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. If you tend to become angry or agitated under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that quiet you down. If you tend to become depressed or withdrawn, you will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating. If you tend to freeze—speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others—you need stress relief activities that provide both comfort and stimulation.
3. Discover the stress-busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is by engaging one or more of your senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing and/or energizing to you. For example, if you’re a visual person you can relieve stress by surrounding yourself with uplifting images. If you respond more to sound, you may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound of a water fountain helps to quickly reduce your stress levels.
“The feeling that “I have not realized” is the obstruction of realization. In fact, the self is already realized and there is nothing more to be realized. Otherwise, the realization will be new. If realization is not eternal it is not worth having.”—
Last night was the craziest night of my existence…
I can now say I understand my place and purpose in this world. I can see things for what they are. I will continue to work towards finding the inner self that I’ve lost through mass corruption. I will healthily exercise my inner demons. I will no longer be suppressed. No one can suppress me. I am a free being. And I will act as one. I have inalienable human rights that no one can take from me and I will exercise them as often as desired. I know the truth now. I won’t deny the truth that is so clearly within me and all other living things. There’s no turning back from here, there is only moving forward. I have the power of both conscious and subconscious thought and I will use both of those powers to their fullest potential every second of every day. I know exactly what I am supposed to do. This life is not only a journey, but it also has a destination. And I will enjoy every part of the journey until I reach the destination. I understand my place in this world. I don’t have a life, I am a life. We are all one life.
"Intelligence is nothing more than discussing things with others. Limitless wisdom comes from this. Humanity is something done for the sake of others, simply comparing yourself with them and putting them in the fore. Courage is gritting one’s teeth; it is simply doing that and pushing ahead, paying no attention to the circumstances."