“Self-definition has been a responsibility I’ve wholeheartedly taken on as mine. It’s never a duty one should outsource. Of this responsibility, writer and poet Audre Lorde said, ‘If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.’ Self-definition and self-determination is about the many varied decisions that we make to compose and journey toward ourselves, about the audacity and strength to proclaim, create, and evolve into who we know ourselves to be. It’s okay if your personal definition is in a constant state of flux as you navigate the world.”—Janet Mock, Redefining Realness (via ceedling)
No, conversations don’t begin with so and so said you did x, y, z
I don’t have those kinds of conversations
If I hear something say negative things about someone else did I don’t go to them and say…hey, so and so was angry and venting and having a nice private conversation with me and made some accusations out of anger and I’m bringing this to you as an accusation to see if it’s true, now explain yourself.
and fuck people who try and bring that kind of pettiness to me, and fuck people who breach the confidentiality of the other party that said it, and fuck that low, low shit.
i’m going to a higher spiritual plane now, and no amount of you insulting me and making accusations is going to force me to sit there and be disrespected and blamed. You start giving people their right to cry on your shoulders, give them their right to be heard and not run around behind their backs tattling, start giving the other party the benefit of the doubt, and know that if the topic of the conversation is 1 year ago or more, I’m a different person now and there’s a lot to the story you don’t know or need to dredge up for any reason..especially if you weren’t one of the two parties involved when the actual thing happened. and mind your own dick while you piss instead of staring at mine.
1. Life is a mixture of experiences. Some of them are painful and some are fabulous. 2. If we accept responsibility for our own lives, we’ll have a lot more say and exert much more control. 3. It’s true - avoiding pain will bring some temporary relief … But pushing through the pain often reaps…
“We often forget that we are nature. Nature is not something separate from us. So when we say that we have lost our connection to nature, we’ve lost our connection to ourselves.”—Andy Goldsworthy. Artist, environmentalist (via purplebuddhaproject)
Elite Daily| What is the dating game, you ask? Well, you probably know it all too well. It’s the game of “let’s see who can try to act like they care less in order to get someone else to care more and then take turns.” It’s the blurred line between how casual you are and what title you
1. If you like someone, don’t pretend you don’t.
If the person then runs for the hills, ask yourself what the point was for investing any further emotion, anyway?
2. GO ON DATES.
They aren’t an extinct practice. Going to the movies with someone doesn’t mean you’re signing a marriage license. It’s for fun, you guys.
3. Don’t use your past relationships as a crutch that enables you to fear commitment.
We have all had relationships that failed. If you use those problems to justify your twisted actions in every future romantic encounter, you will waste many potentially successful relationships.
4. Don’t alter what you want.
If you want a relationship and someone else doesn’t, don’t settle for his or her sake. That would be like playing a board game without getting to roll your own dice.
5. Stop caring about what people will think.
The connotations that surround dating and relationships are so blurred and disfigured at this point that you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out how to please everyone.
6. Quit using people.
Don’t use others for the way they make you look to other people. Don’t use them for physical reasons. Don’t use them because you’re lonely. Just don’t use them.
You use a mop to clean the floor. You use a match to start a fire. You don’t use human beings to satisfy your own needs.
7. Find out who people actually are.
Go ahead; ask about their little sisters and whether they’re more afraid of spiders or snakes. There’s nothing wrong with learning more about people than the fact that they like Fireball whiskey and study engineering.
8. Have chivalry and respect in every way.
As the age-old saying goes, always treat others as you wish to be treated. No one deserves anything less than your utmost respect.
9. Stop playing with other people’s emotions.
If you know that you are dragging someone along for selfish reasons, put yourself in his or her shoes and do the decent thing. Just be honest.
10. Stop settling.
If you want that girl with the curly blonde hair and 4.0 who you hardly know, go for it. You aren’t beneath anyone or anything; you can have a dream and you are the largest obstacle standing in the way of it actually happening.
Stop feeling like you are limited to certain people; you’ll only grow to be unsatisfied with that limited group.
11. Don’t be afraid to be corny.
Just be you. If simple things like a “good morning” text or an impromptu smoothie date is how you want to show interest in someone, go for it. Be dorky and stop worrying about satisfying the status quo.
12. Take all of the physical aspects of your relationship slowly.
I know this one is difficult to grasp, but let’s be completely honest about the fact that intimacy complicates things. Why add one more complication before you can trust someone?
13. Don’t try to make someone jealous.
It will never lead the person to like you more. I’ll never understand why we seem to think that it’s a viable option in any situation.
14. Let go of any preconceived expectations you have for someone.
Trust me, you really have no idea what you want and dismissing people based upon your specific criteria could lead you to really miss out.
“People want to believe gender is something that’s essential, and people repeat these essentialist ideas all the time. “Oh, women do that” and “Oh, men do that” and the reality is that all women don’t anything. We as individuals do what we do, you know, and sometimes that’s informed by gender and sometimes it’s just who we are. And I think all that just makes people really, really uncomfortable because they don’t want to think about who they are.”—Laverne Cox (via jackdanielswife)
“Despite what you may have been taught, your sensitivity doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you too emotional, too soft, or in any way too much. It has always been and will always be a strength. The truth is that you can be soft and still be strong. You aren’t a rock, immune to the shift and pull of the world around you. You’re the ocean. Always ebbing and flowing; easily affected by the moon and the weather. But immense and deep. Resilient and powerful. Bounding with life. Yes, you feel things intensely and yes, you’re easily wounded by others. But it’s the intensity of your feelings that gives you such incredible insight into who you are and what you need to feel whole. It’s that intensity that makes you deeply connected to yourself and the world around you. And it’s your wounds that allow you to be empathetic and compassionate towards the wounds of others. Wounds that give you an awareness to recognize when people are hurting, and tools to offer support in ways that less sensitive people might not be able to. I know that it’s so hard to believe in the moment when you feel incapacitated by your feelings, but your sensitivity is a truly a gift. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince you otherwise.”—Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
“Assimilationists want nothing less than to construct the homosexual as normal - white, monogamous, wealthy, 2.5 children, SUVs with a white picket fence. This construction, of course, reproduces the stability of heterosexuality, whiteness, patriarchy, the gender binary, and capitalism itself. If we genuinely want to make ruins of this totality, we need to make a break. We don’t need inclusion into marriage, the military, and the state. We need to end them. No more gay politicians, CEOs, and cops. We need to swiftly and immediately articulate a wide gulf between the politics of assimilation and the struggle for liberation. We need to rediscover our riotous inheritance as queer anarchists. We need to destroy constructions of normalcy, and create instead a position based in our alienation from this normalcy, and one capable of dismantling it.”—
Indirect aggressive abuse: Name-calling is direct and obvious, but an underhanded way to make it much less obvious is to drop the angry tone of voice that usually accompanies it, and disguise the insult as teaching, helping, giving advice, or offering solutions. It appears to be a sincere attempt to help, but it’s actually an attempt to belittle, control and demean you.
Emotional manipulation, guilting, pushing people to their emotional boundaries without their consent, etc. is still emotional abuse even if you mean well and want good things for that person. You’re not their therapist and even if you were…that’s still unethical and horrendous. K thanks.
“Animal exploitation is all around us, and though few of us are actually willing to do violence to animals directly, a great many of us are willing to have that violence done for us.”—Bob Torres (via acti-veg)
“My philosophy is: It’s none of my business what people say of me, and think of me. I am what I am, and I do what I do. I expect nothing, and accept everything. And it makes life so much easier.”—Anthony Hopkins (via sorakeem)